Groan

h/t unfogged

To pair with this, some narratives from a friend using an on-line dating service in a major US city.  She introduces us to them using their “profile statements” (general descriptions of what they’re looking for in a female partner) and comments on them in parens:

Bachelor #1: “she has to inspire me, that would be the key word, be my muse…” (she has to *inspire* you and be your muse??? blech)

Bachelor #2: “Really don’t know what to express. i’m not looking for anyone specific. Don’t want to go back in relationship right away and make the same mistake that i did once (Divorced now) I don’t know, just i guess curious….(how about you get back to us when you have a clue about what you want)  Want to share moment right now but nothing else, let’s see what life brings me (am beginning to suspect that it’s ALL about him), it never happen the way you plan or wish it any how. Really happy by myself right now but know that i need more and that all human been need affection and more…(and more? oh, i get it. it’s all about wanting sex without a relationship.  hire a prostitute) Just don’t want to feel pressured, maybe scared somewhere??” (run, don’t walk, to therapy. now!)

Bachelor #3: “I am currently practicing law, teaching at a local college and am attending school for an additional Masters Degree so my free time is something that I enjoy and try not to waste.” (wasting time…like dating???)

Bachelor #4: “I have to admit I am not the best cook but certainly am willing to try if you’re interested in being a taste tester. What I lack in the kitchen I more than make up for in my passion for collecting vintage Barbie dolls and My Little Pony dvd’s.” (I expect — or better, hope — that he’s joking here, but we don’t really know that. maybe we can introduce him to the guy who only wants to date women with small children)

Bachelor #5: “I depend upon no one and nothing but my own strength, intelligence, and courage. Honesty, integrity, personal honor, and authenticity are my virtues, and I have no sympathy for weakness of character in others.”  (in other parts of his profile he stressed how muscular he was. i think it’s only a matter of time before the domestic violence begins.)

Bachelor #6: “Be on the look out… I tend to follow the wind to outstanding destinations (even if it means making it fun!!)”   (WTF is that supposed to mean???)

Bachelor#7: “I want to find a woman who will give me all that I give to her. Foremost, she must have the fear of Almighty God , she will be my friend, companion, lover and mother to my children.”  (yikes — the sad part was that this guy was actually really good-looking)

Bachelor#8:  “Are you high maintenance? Please . . . . . nooooooooo . . . . not again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time I went with the high maitenance hottie . . . . disaster. I mean, there’s gotta be some low (or medium) maintenance hotties out there. . . right? I mean, is it that bad if there’s little water footprints on the wood floor after I get out of the shower. Is it that bad to watch two football games on a Sunday? Does the bag have to be by Marc Jacobs? If not, then I’m willing to listen. . . .”

(And finally, I just got contacted by this guy. He’s French and very cute and everything seemed really great. Until I got this this part of his profile:) “I am looking for a warm, nice sane person, (so far, so good) take charge person, educated strong woman who enjoys being in a position of authority (huuhhhh??), who enjoys being obeyed (oh for crying out loud) who is looking to meet a soft man with whom she will share strict discipline laughter and curiosity.” (next!)

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Groan

  1. Research shows that 40% of men suffer from shyness, and 80% of men have been shy at one point in their lives…

  2. Jenn Lena

    I keep cringing at the comment made about spilling red wine and “leaving the wrong impression.”

  3. I depend upon no one and nothing but my own strength, intelligence, and courage. Honesty, integrity, personal honor, and authenticity are my virtues, and I have no sympathy for weakness of character in others

    Randroid.

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